just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
