is your mom at the bar?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
