He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
