You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
