he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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