i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
