She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
