A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
