The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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