I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My feet surprised me
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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