Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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