is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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