Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
