Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
