You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Randomize
