There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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