i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I need a beard to bite.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
