my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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