Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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