we're making bets on your personal life
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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