so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
