You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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