I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
