i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
