Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
