I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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