we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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