just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
