He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
