heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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