You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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