I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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