Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
