there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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