cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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