ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
