Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
