i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
