So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
