I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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