maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
