hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
