what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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