Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
