I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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