I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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