Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
