dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
