and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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