upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
