New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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