threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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