this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
