We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
